"The cultures, languages and the gay and straight mix - it's this mentality that makes the city special," says Tewksbury, a Montrealer for two years now.

CREDIT: JOHN MAHONEY, GAZETTE

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It finally occurred to Olympic swimming champion Mark Tewksbury he had nothing to lose - even if he had everything to lose.

"I had a shell of a life," he recalled. "I was pretending to be something I wasn't."

So in December 1998, six years after his Olympic victory, Tewksbury found the courage to publicly say three words that would change his life and the perceptions of many around him:

"I am gay."

In 1992, Tewksbury set a world record in winning the 100-metre backstroke at the Barcelona Olympics. A sigh of relief was exhaled by an entire nation that still had the 1988 Ben Johnson steroid fiasco on its lips.

Gnawing his gold medal on the cover of Time magazine, Tewksbury was the wholesome boy next door - no matter the prejudice of society would rather you believe he wasn't.

A gifted motivational speaker, he soon was touring Canada to share his gilt-edged, 16-year athletic journey, and he didn't like what he saw in the mirror.

"I was being paid enormous amounts of money to do things," he said, "and I'd sit at the airport in tears, sick, afraid to go to another city, afraid to be alone in a hotel, so isolated already.

"I wasn't a whole person."

Five years after coming out, Tewksbury, 35, is an energetic, respected voice for gay rights, a man who is viewed by himself and others as a bridge between gay and mainstream cultures.

"I'm an Olympic champion and I'm gay, two powerful things in a mainstream society," he said. "And it wouldn't matter if I was black or a woman - minority rights are human rights."

Tewksbury is comfortably at home in this city, co-president of Rendez-Vous Montreal 2006, an international gay and lesbian sports and cultural festival that's expected to attract 16,000 participants and millions of tourist dollars.

He left a television career in Toronto two years ago to settle here, study French and play a major role in organizing Rendez-Vous, though he still travels extensively to share his inspirational message.

Tewksbury's maturity and wisdom have broadened his words well beyond Barcelona. Now, his audiences hear of leadership, ethics, values, governance and responsibility.

Only in the past five years has he not been consumed by the fact he's gay, in part because of the tolerance he finds in Montreal, in part because of what he finds within himself.

"Not for half a second in Montreal do I think about being gay," Tewksbury said. "This city is not perfect - it has its own challenges. I'm not as naive as I once was, and as the wonder of Montreal slowly wears off, I see some of the hard, grim realities.

"But the cultures, languages and the gay and straight mix - it's this mentality that makes the city special."

He has sailed often rough seas to find this mostly tranquil harbour, for sport is far from a generally tolerant place.

As a swimmer, Tewksbury feared losing everything he had worked years to achieve. He says he feared physical violence from fellow athletes, rejection from coaches and teammates, and legal problems with sponsors, clauses in his endorsement contracts holding him liable for any blemish caused by his actions.

"I thought I might never speak again," he said, considering his decision to come out. "But because my business was sharing my soul, my life and observations and experiences, I had to be true to myself if I was to survive.

"My coming out was very quickly a positive thing, and people spoke of my honesty and integrity. It gave me credibility. The old adage is true: When a door closes, a thousand doors open."

Tewksbury began standing by his convictions no matter the consequences. Six weeks after he came out, he walked away from the Olympic movement and boldly called for the head of International Olympic Committee president Juan Antonio Samaranch, angered by the Salt Lake City bidding scandal and the IOC's often opaque methods.

He remains disappointed by the inability of sports to keep pace in its acceptance of gays, while politics, art and culture forge ahead.

"This is still a big deal five years after I came out, and I hoped it wouldn't be," Tewksbury said. "There still

isn't a major-league baseball, football, hockey, basketball or soccer player who's at the height of their career, talking about being gay."

But Tewksbury has also learned a long journey can be taken with many short steps. Interesting, challenging times now lie before him, and the gay community as a whole.

"We're marching toward same-sex marriage," he said. "When we really have equal rights, what's next? What happens when we arrive?

"As more people come out and share their stories, as we see more gay people on TV and in drama, theatres and the movies, I'm not as isolated."

This, he believes, is a point of reference. Though there remains a way to go, society is more aware, and with awareness comes a greater tolerance.

Five years after he unburdened himself with three simple words, Mark Tewksbury remains a work in progress, and he's enjoying every day of the construction.

"I no longer wake up with the weight of the world on my shoulders, feeling like a fraud," he said. "Inner peace is an ongoing thing, and I feel good."

dstubbs@thegazette.canwest.com

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